it seems as though everyone around me is either having a baby, trying for a baby, or just had a baby and has stepped up to a more challenging role as a parent.
a few of my relatives and acquaintances are pregnant and awaiting for the arrival of their babies. two of my friends have just given birth, one of them being just as old (or young?) as moi.
yep, pregnancies, mothers, and babies galore.
recently i kinda freaked mom out by letting the long-trapped bonsai kitten out of its jar -- that i don't want children in my life. when asked why, i paused for a long moment before replying, rather airily, that i didn't see the need to. somewhere in my mind i could hear her heart breaking. and some parts of my heart began twisting in guilt.
everytime mom and i had differences that were awaiting some ironing out, she would present her standard spiel, "you will never understand how i feel until you've become a mother yourself."
she's right, and more than just being right. without having a kid i may never understand how it's like to bring up a child and appreciate the joy and satisfaction that comes from nurturing him/ her. watching Baby learn to crawl, walk, run, and finally fly towards the limitless sky of this world, to say no to having a baby spells missing out on a whole lot, and probably reads "something's wrong with you".
so i try to avert potential regrets that may come my way as well as challenge existing doubts, by reading my cousin's baby blog almost every other day. Chien Ying - or Bubu as affectionately coined by her parents - my adorable baby niece who from the blog appears to be the absolute epitome of the standard lucky baby in today's world.
yep, pregnancies, mothers, and babies galore.
recently i kinda freaked mom out by letting the long-trapped bonsai kitten out of its jar -- that i don't want children in my life. when asked why, i paused for a long moment before replying, rather airily, that i didn't see the need to. somewhere in my mind i could hear her heart breaking. and some parts of my heart began twisting in guilt.
everytime mom and i had differences that were awaiting some ironing out, she would present her standard spiel, "you will never understand how i feel until you've become a mother yourself."
she's right, and more than just being right. without having a kid i may never understand how it's like to bring up a child and appreciate the joy and satisfaction that comes from nurturing him/ her. watching Baby learn to crawl, walk, run, and finally fly towards the limitless sky of this world, to say no to having a baby spells missing out on a whole lot, and probably reads "something's wrong with you".
so i try to avert potential regrets that may come my way as well as challenge existing doubts, by reading my cousin's baby blog almost every other day. Chien Ying - or Bubu as affectionately coined by her parents - my adorable baby niece who from the blog appears to be the absolute epitome of the standard lucky baby in today's world.
baby niece Chien Ying with the "will work for milk" jumper i bought for her.
happy baby being fed
i truly love my niece, although i hardly get to see her since she's happily tucked many hours away in Beijing. i love her because she is my niece and the daughter of my cousin. suddenly i recall how my whole clan of relatives would crowd around her cot emitting silly oohs and aahs, and how my cousin-in-law spends hours doing nothing but staring intently at his beloved child. and then i started questioning what i would be losing out when the time comes for me to consider becoming a mom.
mom says i belong to the selfish group of new-age adults who only want to enjoy life and not carry the burden of raising children. our whole life simply revolves around fancy lattes and novelty hobbies like picking up pole-dancing. what's the true meaning of life, she asked. if you don't want kids, why marry? just stay single lor.
government and social encouragements aside, i wonder if my life would be meaningless without having a family. but my reasons for not having children definitely outweighs the reasons for having one. at this point of time i shall not make my readers bear the brunt of going through my extensive list of whys, but something i strongly believe in, is that children do not choose to be born. and if they did, why do they come to this world crying?
i have never questioned my parents' ability to borne me and raise me into who i am today. and i love them for having done so. but i can never be confident that my own child would so willingly think this way when he or she is 25 and alive.
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